Disadvantages of Homeschooling

I was talking with a parent the other day about the disadvantages of homeschooling. Although he and his wife had discussed homeschooling, he said they decided against it because his wife would never get a break from the kids. He mentioned that she was always stressed out and ready for the kids to return to school after a snow day, spring break and summer vacation.

Then I admitted something shocking...I totally knew what he was talking about because that description fit me perfectly while my kids were in school. When my girls were little, I lived for "preschool days" so I could have a break. Then as they got older, before I started homeschooling, I couldn't wait for school to start again in the fall so I could have a break. When they were home, they needed so much attention. I seemed to get so much accomplished without kids in tow, asking questions, slowing me down, making messes, interrupting my train of thought... then homeschool happened.

Call me a bad mom if you want, but I'm just being honest...on their last day of government school, I thought I was going to be miserable (or at least stressed out) with them around 24/7. So, either I'm crazy, or something changed my view of being with the kids all the time for me to be able to "survive" the years of homeschooling I have under my belt.

Homeschooling is actually what changed me. The transformation took place over time, so the process is easier for me to see in hindsight than me being aware of what was happening while I was in the midst of it.

First, I came to the realization that God gave us the responsiblity to care for and nurture these girls. They were meant to be a joy to us. Hmmm....hard to imagine when they are lying of the floor kicking and screaming because they can't tie their shoes. This was tough when dealing with my strong willed first born. Of course, on MANY days (more so at the beginning than now) it would be easier to pack them up and send them off to school. I just had to decide that was not an option.

Second, the girls got used to being around each other all the time. When they were in school, they never saw each other. The older one had her friends and the younger had her friends. They started bickering the moment they got in the car after school. Of course, they liked their friends better than their sister. Isn't that usually the case? Your best foot is forward around your friends, but your family gets to see the whole you.

Let me tell you, this was one of the "disadvantages of homeschooling" on my list and a major concern for me as we started our journey. I didn't know if I could take the constant squabbling. Friends are nice, but you are not around them nearly as much as you are around your siblings when you homeschool, so it takes some time (and conflict resolution skills) to learn to get along. Believe me, it wasn't easy! I'm not saying they don't have their moments ~ yelling, slamming doors, and tears ~ but overall they truly love each other, enjoy hanging out together, and are on their way to being BFFs (best friends forever) which I love because it is so sad to see adult siblings who can't get along.

Third, I got used to having them around. In fact, as I am writing this, my oldest wants to know if I can listen to a presentation she's been working on. Back "in the day" that would have bothered me. Can't you see I'm working on something that requires thought? But now, I just break, answer and go back to what I was doing.

Errands were a whole new adventure when they were younger. I tried to leave them home with the hubby most times, but even then, some errands that had to be done while he was at work. I had them sitting on the floor with a portable DVD player while getting my teeth cleaned, I'd lug in a bag of books for them to look at while at the hairdresser, and I'd pack math flashcards to do while waiting for an oil change.

Now they are older and all these things come a little easier. They realize that homeschooling is their routine and work is required of them. They understand that their sister will be there for them after we (mom and dad) are gone, so they might as well get along because sisters are for the long haul.

I understand (sadly) that they are growing up WAY too fast and they will be gone before I know it. I get to see them when they are bored, brilliant, rushed, caring, tired, organized, happy, frustrated, angry...basically every facet of their being. I also get to see that kids are actually FUN. When they were in school, we had limited opportunities for me to see that. Now, I don't miss it when they are silly, or when they are excited about something, or when they feel like giving out an extra hug.

I think society has tainted our idea of what parenting is about. For some, even before our child is born we can't wait for them to go to a good preschool. While they are there many moms rave about having a break from their busy preschooler. Then we can't wait for them to go to school. The end of summer comes and parents are chomping at the bit to get their little darlings back in school. Remember the back to school commercial set to "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" song with the dad dancing in the aisles of the office supply store?

We have have the "break from kids" mentality touted as an advantage of school and a disadvantage of homeschooling. Is this really a good thing? Do we really want our kids to grow up feeling like we need a daily break from them? Once I was over the initial shock of having to adjust my life to include kids all the time, I realized how much I was missing by sending them away 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, 180 days a year. That's 1260 of prime "awake" hours!

Don't get me wrong, I'm the first to jump at the chance for a "break" every now and then. Everyone needs a change from their daily routine once in awhile. I count the days until summer camp, have a moms only girls' trip in the fall, always take the chance to visit the grocery store by myself, and encourage dates with dad when the opportunity comes along. I'm sure my kids enjoy time away from me as well ~ especially when they get dad's undivided attention. But, I am so thankful to have had the extra time with them because of our choice to homeschool.

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